WTF?!

I have a friend that says that when you use the "F" word, it just gets the point across. Sometimes, such simple words like "darn" or "crap" or even "$h!t" seem so inadequate. I agree...although, I try to save that word for very serious and extreme measures.

I've been having a lot of "WTF" moments lately...mostly at work...and, I mean, A LOT! Here's what "WTF" does NOT stand for: World Taekwondo Federation, Wednesday Thursday Friday, Welcome To Finland, Wow That's Fun!, or Where's The Food.

Here's my list of "WTF" moments:

WTF #1) I'm doing one third of YOUR job responsibilities, someone else is doing a third, you're taking all the credit for it AND you're getting paid how much more money than us?!

WTF #2) Donald Trump allowed Heidi Montag Pratt to perform at the Miss Universe Pageant and I sat there and watched it?!

WTF #3) Oh no you didn't just go out to dinner with the four of us and put in just enough money to cover your meal and NOT leave enough money for tip!

WTF #4) Did you just come into my house and help yourself to a Coke in my refrigerator without asking?

WTF #5) I let you cut in front of me on the Freeway and now you're driving 20 miles BELOW the speed limit?!

WTF #6) You're calling me a bitch and I don't even know you?!

WTF #7) I wake up on the day of my BIG event and have a HUGE, white pimple on the tip of my nose.

WTF #8) I know you didn't just let your dog poop in front of my house and not pick it up.

WTF #9) Did you just use the last piece of toilet paper, leave the roll, and make me get off the freaking toilet to get a new one?

WTF #10) Why do you have such a bad attitude?!

Why Wear A Helmet?

What's the freaking purpose of wearing a helmet?!

He's Just Not That Into You

Step aside Pierce Brosnan, Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise. I've got a new list of men who are on fire. Believe it or not, I'm rarely turned on by just looking at a guy. But, for some reason, I tend to get hot and bothered when I see any kind of photo of these men. Of course, most people will not agree. My taste in men is varied...I mean, one of them is rumored to be gay, but, hey, that's OK!

Here's the list:

1) Josh Groban - Need I say more???

2) Steve Byrne - Funny men turn me on.

3) Justin Long - He likes Mac's, I like Mac's. It's a match made in Heaven.

4) Luke Wilson - Yum-O!

5) Bradley Cooper - He may not be into me, but I'm into him.

6) Ryan Gosling - Damn you, Rachel McAdams!

7) Russell Wong - Asian Sensation

8) Michael Buble - Call him "Irresistible."

9) Anderson Cooper - He may not have taste in women, but the man knows how to dress.

10) SDO - The true love of my life.

Excuse Me, You Have Something In Your Teeth

I've always told my friends that if I ever had anything in my teeth, I'd want them to tell me. I think...if they were really my friends, they would spare me the embarrassment, right? Well...at least that's what I hope. I came up with a list of other things I'd want my friends, or anyone for that matter, to tell me if one of these applied to me.

Sure...they can laugh about it at first. People laugh at me ALL THE TIME. But, don't let me go all freaking day with one of these malfunctions.

1) Tell me if I have food in my pearly whites! Spinach, oreos, pepper...whatever.

2) Toilet paper on my shoe

3) Skirt tucked in to the panty hose...I rarely wear panty hose, but this applies to my panties as well.

4) Makapiapia a.k.a. eye boogers. Yuck!

5) Sometimes I wonder, "Can't they feel that they have a booger hanging out of their nose?" Ummm...NO! You can't always feel the booger coming out of your nose, so please, people...TELL ME! It's not embarrassing for you, it's embarrassing for me!

6) I've been known to leave my fly down, so let me know if you can see my undies because my zipper is down.

7) Unbuttoned blouse. Contrary to popular belief, I really don't like my cleavage showing. Ok...so, maybe I don't have cleavage...but still, tell me if I left a button unbuttoned. I'm really super conservative and most likely, I didn't leave it unbuttoned for a reason.

8) I'm really self conscious...so if I smell like B.O...please tell me. Or garlic, too.

9) I once walked around the office and met with clients all day with my shirt inside out. Don't know how that happened, but it did. Someone finally had the balls to tell me at 5:00 p.m.

10) Wire looking hair growing in not normal places demands serious attention. Please advise if you see any whiskers growing on my face or in my ears.

Mahalo for your kokua!

I Speak Engrish!

I'm sure i've told this story to many people and, I'm gonna tell it again because I came upon a website that I think is hilarious.

I was making my way to Texas from California one year and I see this big 'ol, fat man with a cowboy hat and boots on coming down the aisle of the airplane. I thought, "Oh crap, I hope he doesn't sit next to me, cause if I have to pee, I'm screwed...I'm sitting near the window!)

Sure enough, the man plops his briefcase on the seat next to me, takes off his coat, puts his carry-on in the compartment above, gets settled and sits down. I try to make very little eye contact...I hate small talk...but I can tell he's looking me over and he says in a loud, booming SLOOOOWWW southern drawl, "Howdy little lady. Do-You-Speak-English?"

I thought of two things after this incident:

1) We Asians all look alike to Caucasians and
2) Isn't it funny that when FOB's say the word "English" they say, "Engrish"?

Check out www.engrish.com It's a super funny website dedicated to English mistakes on foreign advertising and product design.

Questions, Questions, Questions.

I'm baaaaaackk! People have been asking me where I've been. No blogging for at least two months! Thanks to all of my fans for remaining so faithful and checking my blog every day...All three of you.

So, since everyone's been asking me why I haven't been posting, it got me thinking of a whole bunch of other things that make me say, "huh?" or "yeah, why is that?" etc. Warning...some of these are REALLY stupid, so, just go on to the next one after you roll your eyes.

Here they are:

1) Why is it that people say "I slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

2) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

3) Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

4) Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

5) Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? (BTW, I have an entry on "The Hemmorhoid")

6) Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going dead? Men do this ALL the time.

7) Whose idea was it to put an "S" in "Lisp"?

8) If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

9) When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' when really, it isn't all right. Why don't we say, 'That fricken' hurt. Why don't you watch the hell where you're going!' Then, give them the stink eye, of course.

10) Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling
off the table you always manage to knock something else over?