Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Brain Farts

I've been having a number of brain farts recently. What are brain farts you ask? In my medium to semi-severe case, brain farts are moments of forgetfulness. Bubbles of air that are formed in your brain that **poof** release tidbits of information that you were intending to store somewhere in there. It's when your brain ceases to function normally for a split second.

Here's my list of recent brain farts...all in a time frame of 24 hours. The Ginkgo Biloba I took three months ago hasn't kicked in just yet.

1) I looked at my boyfriend and said, "Damn...for a split second there, I forgot your name." (His reaction = "WTF?!")

2) I forgot to put my bra on and went to work bra-less.
(I thought it was a bit breezier than usual and finally figured out why.)

3) I drove away from the gas station and didn't recap my gas tank.
(The good news is that I didn't drive off with the pump still in my tank like how my aunty did!)

4) I sent the same email to the same person 3 times.
(Sad...very sad.)

5) Left my phone at home.
(I usually never leave the house without my wallet, keys, phone.)

6) I used the maximum number of tries to enter my pin at the ATM.
(No money = no lunch)

7) I forgot to zipper my pants after using the restroom.
(This is turning into a bad habit.)

8) I stopped mid-sentence while giving a presentation and said, "Crap, what am I speaking about again?!"
(Note to self: Never disclose to the audience that you have absolutely NO clue what you're talking about.)

9) Got off of the elevator, walked to my apartment door, and wondered why my key wasn't working. (After a few expletives, I realized that I got off on the wrong floor and was trying to open someone else's door.)

10) Found the stove on when I woke up in the morning.
(Ok...yikes!...Thank you Jesus nothing serious happened).

If my boobs weren't attached to my body, I probably would've forgotten to put them on this day, too. If anyone has a cure for the common brain fart, please contact me immediately.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Work-a-Holics Anonymous

I officially joined a new group this week...Work-a-holics Anonymous. The reason why I know this is because I had a dream last night that I came home, opened the front door ran into my boyfriend who was leaving the house to go out on a date. I said, "Where are you going, I just got home?" And he said, "I've been waiting for you. We were supposed to have dinner together. You told me you were coming home at 8 p.m. and it's now 9:30. So, I'm going out with her." And he walks out the door with this blonde, hot, female attorney, who I actually had a meeting with earlier in the week!

Of course, I woke up, sweating from the rage, then grabbed my cell phone to check if I had any new messages -- at 3 a.m. I hypocritically mock people and their crack-berry's, and laugh at them when they do their "BlackBerry Prayer." But, then, I realized, OMG, I'm just like them!

I thought of a few symptoms of how to know when you're a work-a-holic. Unfortunately, if I knew the remedies...well, I wouldn't be writing this, now would I?!

1) When you start to have dreams about your significant other cheating on you because you're working too late.
(I'm really sorry to anyone who has actually experienced this in real life. My heart does go out to you.)

2) When you check your Inbox on your BlackBerry/iPhone/Treo at the dinner table.
(New Rule: No phones allowed at the dinner table...starting tomorrow!)

3) You don't use up all of your vacation days at work.
(H-E-L-L-O-OOOO! I need to learn that it's OK to take vacation and have a little R&R.)

4) Your health starts going downhill because you neglect YOU!
(When you can no longer fit into your size 6 dress -- it's time to leave work at least by 6 p.m., and get that fat ass on that treadmill.)

5) When you keep a separate set of a) make-up b) toothbrush c) underwear d) clothes and e) a sleeping bag at work.
(What?! No! Don't be ridiculous! I don't have this at work...but I have thought about it.)

6) When you start to call your family members by your co-worker's names.
(This is sad...very sad.)

7) You go into work on the weekends thinking that you'll catch-up before Monday or think that you'll get ahead.
(I'm a sucker for this...there's no such thing as "catching up with your work." It NEVER happens!!!)

8) Your social life is your workplace.
(Oh, the horror! If my co-workers became my "hang-out" friends...I'd seriously shoot myself.)

9) When all you talk about at the dinner table is work or your co-workers.

(All I have to say is "Thank you Jesus for the patient people in my life who have to listen to me.")

10) You forget to pick up your child from school or your dog at doggy day-care. (I'm already super forgetful. Add on the stress from work, and I will seriously be arrested for neglect.)