Thursday, December 31, 2009

Resolutions No One Ever Keeps


It's New Year's Eve! I'm counting down the hours till 2009 is over - I can't wait.
I don't know why people make resolutions for the new year...people rarely keep them anyway. I've had the same resolution on my list for the past 5 years and I still haven't checked it off.

However, in the spirit of 2010 and simply because of habit, here's my list of resolutions that will most likely go ignored after January 8, 2010 (I give myself about a week to pretend I'll keep my word.) BTW, this is in no particular order of importance because everything listed is a bunch of bullcrap anyway. What better way than to start the new year with a hearty chuckle of nonsense?

Here's to a happier, healthier, and more productive 2010!

RESOLUTION 1) EXCERCISE
(This has been a battle for me and will continue to be for many more years to come. Jay Leno said, "Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year's resolution.")

RESOLUTION 2) KEEP IN TOUCH WITH THE ONES I CARE ABOUT
(I'm learning to stop, in the midst of the chaos in my life, and let people know that I was thinking about them or wondered how they were doing. They may not care, but at least I let them know.)

RESOLUTION 3) BE NICE(R)
(Less sarcasm, more genuine sincerity. This will be a tough one.)

RESOLUTION 4) PATIENCE
(I often wonder why God forgot this particular characteristic for me. I will try to let others finish their idiotic questions before I blurt out the answer. I will try to not let long lines and slow people irritate the hell out of me.)

RESOLUTION 5) SWEAR LESS
(I'll try to insert euphemisms like "Holy Shiitake!" and "Holy Shiite!" when speaking and driving.)

RESOLUTION 6) LEARN TO COOK
(I have 6 recipes that I cook regularly. They are: chicken tofu, chicken long rice, chicken parmesan, shoyu chicken, potato crusted chicken, fried chicken...see the pattern?)

RESOLUTION 7) GET MY FRICKEN CAR FIXED
(So, I got rear ended last November. I already got the money to fix the car from the couple that hit me, but ended up buying a Louis Vuitton bag with the money instead. Priorities!)

RESOLUTION 8) FINISH SCHOOL
(I will never again laugh at anyone who tells me it took them 7 years to complete their MBA. The thought of Grad School just exhausts me.)

RESOLUTION 9) GET ONE STEP CLOSER TO STARTING MY OWN BUSINESS
(I finally declared to my partner, "I want to be a consultant!"
"Well, what will people be consulting you for?"
"Uh, I don't know."
"Figure out what people would pay you money for and then let me know you want to be a consultant.")

RESOLUTION 10) BLOG REGULARLY
(How will I ever get my book deal and be a best selling author if I'm not consistent with my ranting and raving?)

Cheers until next year!


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