WTF?!

I have a friend that says that when you use the "F" word, it just gets the point across. Sometimes, such simple words like "darn" or "crap" or even "$h!t" seem so inadequate. I agree...although, I try to save that word for very serious and extreme measures.

I've been having a lot of "WTF" moments lately...mostly at work...and, I mean, A LOT! Here's what "WTF" does NOT stand for: World Taekwondo Federation, Wednesday Thursday Friday, Welcome To Finland, Wow That's Fun!, or Where's The Food.

Here's my list of "WTF" moments:

WTF #1) I'm doing one third of YOUR job responsibilities, someone else is doing a third, you're taking all the credit for it AND you're getting paid how much more money than us?!

WTF #2) Donald Trump allowed Heidi Montag Pratt to perform at the Miss Universe Pageant and I sat there and watched it?!

WTF #3) Oh no you didn't just go out to dinner with the four of us and put in just enough money to cover your meal and NOT leave enough money for tip!

WTF #4) Did you just come into my house and help yourself to a Coke in my refrigerator without asking?

WTF #5) I let you cut in front of me on the Freeway and now you're driving 20 miles BELOW the speed limit?!

WTF #6) You're calling me a bitch and I don't even know you?!

WTF #7) I wake up on the day of my BIG event and have a HUGE, white pimple on the tip of my nose.

WTF #8) I know you didn't just let your dog poop in front of my house and not pick it up.

WTF #9) Did you just use the last piece of toilet paper, leave the roll, and make me get off the freaking toilet to get a new one?

WTF #10) Why do you have such a bad attitude?!

Why Wear A Helmet?

What's the freaking purpose of wearing a helmet?!

He's Just Not That Into You

Step aside Pierce Brosnan, Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise. I've got a new list of men who are on fire. Believe it or not, I'm rarely turned on by just looking at a guy. But, for some reason, I tend to get hot and bothered when I see any kind of photo of these men. Of course, most people will not agree. My taste in men is varied...I mean, one of them is rumored to be gay, but, hey, that's OK!

Here's the list:

1) Josh Groban - Need I say more???

2) Steve Byrne - Funny men turn me on.

3) Justin Long - He likes Mac's, I like Mac's. It's a match made in Heaven.

4) Luke Wilson - Yum-O!

5) Bradley Cooper - He may not be into me, but I'm into him.

6) Ryan Gosling - Damn you, Rachel McAdams!

7) Russell Wong - Asian Sensation

8) Michael Buble - Call him "Irresistible."

9) Anderson Cooper - He may not have taste in women, but the man knows how to dress.

10) SDO - The true love of my life.

Excuse Me, You Have Something In Your Teeth

I've always told my friends that if I ever had anything in my teeth, I'd want them to tell me. I think...if they were really my friends, they would spare me the embarrassment, right? Well...at least that's what I hope. I came up with a list of other things I'd want my friends, or anyone for that matter, to tell me if one of these applied to me.

Sure...they can laugh about it at first. People laugh at me ALL THE TIME. But, don't let me go all freaking day with one of these malfunctions.

1) Tell me if I have food in my pearly whites! Spinach, oreos, pepper...whatever.

2) Toilet paper on my shoe

3) Skirt tucked in to the panty hose...I rarely wear panty hose, but this applies to my panties as well.

4) Makapiapia a.k.a. eye boogers. Yuck!

5) Sometimes I wonder, "Can't they feel that they have a booger hanging out of their nose?" Ummm...NO! You can't always feel the booger coming out of your nose, so please, people...TELL ME! It's not embarrassing for you, it's embarrassing for me!

6) I've been known to leave my fly down, so let me know if you can see my undies because my zipper is down.

7) Unbuttoned blouse. Contrary to popular belief, I really don't like my cleavage showing. Ok...so, maybe I don't have cleavage...but still, tell me if I left a button unbuttoned. I'm really super conservative and most likely, I didn't leave it unbuttoned for a reason.

8) I'm really self conscious...so if I smell like B.O...please tell me. Or garlic, too.

9) I once walked around the office and met with clients all day with my shirt inside out. Don't know how that happened, but it did. Someone finally had the balls to tell me at 5:00 p.m.

10) Wire looking hair growing in not normal places demands serious attention. Please advise if you see any whiskers growing on my face or in my ears.

Mahalo for your kokua!

I Speak Engrish!

I'm sure i've told this story to many people and, I'm gonna tell it again because I came upon a website that I think is hilarious.

I was making my way to Texas from California one year and I see this big 'ol, fat man with a cowboy hat and boots on coming down the aisle of the airplane. I thought, "Oh crap, I hope he doesn't sit next to me, cause if I have to pee, I'm screwed...I'm sitting near the window!)

Sure enough, the man plops his briefcase on the seat next to me, takes off his coat, puts his carry-on in the compartment above, gets settled and sits down. I try to make very little eye contact...I hate small talk...but I can tell he's looking me over and he says in a loud, booming SLOOOOWWW southern drawl, "Howdy little lady. Do-You-Speak-English?"

I thought of two things after this incident:

1) We Asians all look alike to Caucasians and
2) Isn't it funny that when FOB's say the word "English" they say, "Engrish"?

Check out www.engrish.com It's a super funny website dedicated to English mistakes on foreign advertising and product design.

Questions, Questions, Questions.

I'm baaaaaackk! People have been asking me where I've been. No blogging for at least two months! Thanks to all of my fans for remaining so faithful and checking my blog every day...All three of you.

So, since everyone's been asking me why I haven't been posting, it got me thinking of a whole bunch of other things that make me say, "huh?" or "yeah, why is that?" etc. Warning...some of these are REALLY stupid, so, just go on to the next one after you roll your eyes.

Here they are:

1) Why is it that people say "I slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

2) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

3) Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

4) Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

5) Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? (BTW, I have an entry on "The Hemmorhoid")

6) Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going dead? Men do this ALL the time.

7) Whose idea was it to put an "S" in "Lisp"?

8) If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

9) When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' when really, it isn't all right. Why don't we say, 'That fricken' hurt. Why don't you watch the hell where you're going!' Then, give them the stink eye, of course.

10) Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling
off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

Battle of the Hair-Do's

I have this love/hate relationship with 2 TV shows and it infuriates me everytime I watch it. But, I find myself watching it ALL the time, no matter how many times I tell myself that I refuse to watch it anymore. I know exactly when it's going to be on, everyone's names in the show, popular blogs that discuss the shows, the theme song or opening lines...Ugh! Can someone please take away my DVR?

Dog the Bounty Hunter

What is it about this Chapman family that resembles trailer park trash that I'm sickly addicted to? It's not Dog's mullet, or Beth's enormous, watermelon sized boobs. I definitely don't find it amusing to listen to cuss words being beeped out every other word that comes out of their mouth when they go on a bounty. I don't like the "wanna be" cop like attitude. Is it that I can relate to Beth's bitchy-ness? Well, she definitely wins the award for this one. Could it be that all they do is revoke bonds just to get 30 minutes worth of a show? I can't stand the fact that they pray to God before they go and catch a guy and 5 minutes later call him a "Mother Bleeping Piece of Crap."

I can't explain it. Please spray me with mase and knock some sense into me.

Jon & Kate Plus 8

I get really annoyed watching a kid whine and cry and scream and yell, let alone 8 kids. It saddens me to see the Gosselins self-destructing right before our eyes. It pains me to see Maddy and Cara starving for attention by throwing hissy fits on every episode. It irritates me to see Jon and Kate allowing their young children to become victims of their own greed. I thought I had an attitude but Kate is in the running for the "Attitude of the Year" award. I just want to cut off that awful hairdo that Kate sports...asymmetrical in the front and spiked in the back. They are now considered "Celebrities."

I can't explain it. Please hand me a pair of scissors so that I can either cut off Kate's hair or poke my eyes out.

The Incredible Shrinking Belly

"Get Ripped in 90 days"

How could I not find this somewhat appealing?

I can just hear my brother saying, "Suckah!" Yes...I admit, I was inspired by the P90X infomercial of overindulgent men and women losing tons of weight and getting totally toned.

Who wouldn't want a six pack. I mean, I've had a one pack my entire life, and most recently added on a major flat tire, but, I can still hope for those washboard abs, can't I?

The first step is to take a "Before" shot. If you thought I was going to post that, I'd need to call you "Suckah!" I'm going for the P360X. When I finally get those washboard abs and when my arms no longer wave back at me when I raise my hand to wave to my friends, then and only then will I post my before and after shots.

Did I mention that I received this program in the mail over a month ago? I have yet to pop in a DVD to begin the exercise regimen. Did I also mention that one of the warnings that they have in their book says something to the effect that only those who are used to military drills and exercise can undergo this program?! What the f?

Stay tuned for the incredible shrinking belly!

ISTJ

Introverted Sensing with Extraverted Thinking

Many people have been asking me recently what my Myers Briggs personality type indicator is. So, I took the test and whadda ya know...I am an ISTJ. Not surprising. What was interesting, though, is reading specifics about my personality. Everything that I mention in my blog are facets of my personality. Here are 10 things that I found interesting and true:

1) We're quiet & reserved individuals
-We tend to be organized and methodical because of our reserved & quiet nature. At the same time, we can have an offbeat sense of humor and can be fun to be around at times :-)

2) We're loyal and faithful
- Unless you screw me over, I'll be a constant supporter and friend.

3) We're dependable
-We have a strong sense of duty and therefore, tend to work long hours. You can count on me to get the job done...on time.

4) We're uncomfortable expressing affection and emotion to others
-I'm not so much the huggy type and tend to have a wall up. With my family and close friends, though, I'm a little more mushy.

5) We're not naturally in tune with our own feelings and the feelings of others
-Please forgive me if it takes me a while to figure out that I hurt your feelings or pissed you off. It takes me a while to figure out my own issues.

6) We're hard workers
-We put tremendous amounts of energy into a task that we believe in. We prefer to work by ourselves rather than with a team, however, we can work well with others...IF we have to.

7) We have a sense for artistic appreciation
-As many of you know, I love the arts.

8) Under stress, we fall into "catastrophe" mode
-I'm not sure if I actually fall into "catastrophe" mode...I tend to work pretty well under stress...I have my serious face on and no one better mess with me. But, in the end, everything turns out pretty well. I hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

9) We are easily frustrated by the inconsistencies of others
-This might be one of the biggest frustrations of my life.

10) We are vulnerable to criticism and have ice in our veins.
-Yes & Yes!

Mamma Mia!

Dinner before show - $59.00
Tickets to Mamma Mia - $172.00
Watching middle aged men and women boogying to ABBA and making fools of themselves - Priceless.

We went to see Mamma Mia! at the Blaisdell Concert Hall and it was amazing! I can't see it on Broadway. Loved the flashy costumes and fun music.

It was a colorful and very funny jukebox musical. I think that my favorite part of the entire show was the finale/encore where the entire cast sang "Dancing Queen," "Mamma Mia," and "Waterloo."

I'm curious about the movie adaptation of Mamma Mia! I'll write my review right after I watch it on DVD. Until then, the show runs till May 30 in Hawaii and I'm hoping to see it one more time.

There's Still Hope...

I celebrated my 30th birthday yesterday. I had a little meltdown two days before because of the realization (and reminder) that I had accomplished pretty much nothing in the first 30 years of my life.

But, celebrating my 30th will be something that I will remember for a long time. It was a special one as I received many emails and calls from friends and loved ones wishing me a special day. I didn't even realize some people knew when my birthday was! I enjoyed the day with one of the only people I would've wanted to be with on my birthday. We drove around the island and ate fantastic food.

I was reminded, though, that while I may think half of my life has passed me by, it really is just the beginning. I have much to look forward to in my next 30 years, that I can still accomplish most of the things that I originally set out to do. Or, better yet, I was reminded of Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I need to focus my next 30 years on my testimony for God...not for myself. I need to let the Lord take control of my life and stop trying to control it myself. Perhaps that's why I haven't accomplished any of the things that I set out to do...because it was simply my goal, not God's goal for my life. So...HORRAY! I'm not a total failure. There's still hope through Jesus!

The Hemorrhoid

I've been called many things during my 29 years, 11 months and 3 days here on earth. But, nothing like being called Jenn "the homorrhoid" Hee.

You might be wondering why someone would call me a condition related to constipation and diarrhea. Believe me, I wondered the same thing. I thought, "How dare they! Hemorrhoid's are irritating little things that swell and inflame your veins in the 'okole (butt/rectum/ass/behind). And then, it hit me like a ton of bricks. They weren't calling me irritating (although, I know I can be at times), but rather, I tend to get highly irritable, just like a hemorrhoid!

So, what's the cure for a hemorrhoid? The real severe cases require the rubber band treatment (gross!), injection therapy or laser surgery. I'll take the enema. For now, since my case is low-medium severity, I'll just work on flushing out my dirty insides and cleaning out the junk to get rid of my hemorrhoidal behavior.

Pooh, Piglet, & the Swine Flu

"As the two friends wandered through the snow on their way home, Piglet grinned to himself, thinking how lucky he was to have a best friend like Pooh."

"Pooh thought to himself: 'If the pig sneezes, he's fucken dead.'"

The Contemporary Museum in Honolulu

I'm at the Contemporary Museum in Honolulu right now volunteering for several hours. I love art! One of the great programs that the Museum has is called "Expression," which is an art class for kids. There are 8 kids drawing a self portrait and honestly, all of them look fabulous!

What I love best about art is that there's no right or wrong way to do it. You have the freedom to express whatever emotion you're feeling, capture a vivid memory or picturesque scene that you may see onto any medium that you choose. It's interesting to see the self portraits that the children are drawing and how they view themselves. One girl emphasized her long, beautiful jet black hair. Another drew a larger than life nose and said she thought her nose was way too big. Nothing that was drawn, though, was wrong because it's a representation of them.

Did you know that almost all famous artists have a self portrait? Van Gogh, Cezanne, Renoir and Chegall. One of these kids might be a Renoir in the near future.

Just Wondering (Part II)...

Just wondering, what about Beth Chapman and Miss Piggy?

Just Wondering...

Just wondering if anyone else saw a resemblance between Baby Lyssa from Dog the Bounty Hunter and Bart Simpson?

The Misunderstood Introvert

I think that introverts are misunderstood and are often labeled negatively. I fall into the category of being misunderstood as I tend to be labeled a snob, bitch, grumpy, and unfriendly.

Many people need interaction for validation. They need to be around people to feel accepted, appreciated, and wanted. I definitely don't need interaction with others in order to feel like I belong, and quite frankly, I try and stay away from it. It's not because I think I'm better than the group or think that my time is too valuable to waste (which, is often times how I feel anyway) but, the plain and simple explanation is that I'm an introvert.

It's challenging being an introvert in an extroverted world. Here are 10 misunderstood ideas about introverts.

1) We're Loners

(No, we're not loners. We tend to be more reflective and thoughtful first, and then we can talk openly. Loners just don't share at all and want to totally be alone.)

2) We're Losers

(I might be a loser in other ways, check out my "Loser" entry, but being an introvert doesn't make me a loser.)

3) We are highly self conscious

(I'm not the life of the party or like to draw attention to myself, but it's ok if people look at me. I just look at them and say, "What, you jealous?") (I'm just kidding)

4) We tend to be shy & quiet

(Being a fundraiser has actually been a positive for me. I have a pretty easy time striking up a conversation. If, and, that's a big IF, I'm particularly interested in someone, I love to ask them questions, listen to their stories and learn more about them. Honest...No really...I do!)

5) We're hard to get to know

(Well...this actually might be true. I generally hate to get to know people.)

6) We are moody

(I think emotionally unstable introverts tend to be moody, but not ALL of us are. I tend to be moody, so, there you go.)

7) We're super rigid

(Introverts are just controlled & organized, that's all.)

8) Introverts are really pessimistic

(I think we're just honest. If your new haircut looks bad, I'm gonna say your haircut looks bad and that you should go to a new stylist. Why lie and tell you that it looks fabulous when it really doesn't?)

9) We're not changeable

(If you show me a better way, I'm amenable to change...but this whole Obama "Change We Can Believe In" crap is a no go.)

10) We're not responsive

(If you piss me off, believe me, you will get a response from me!)

The View

We went to the symphony to see Poncho Sanchez, legendary latin jazz band leader.

The music was cool, but my view was not so cool. $83 and this is what I stared at all night. This seriously might be the biggest head I've ever seen.

First & Last

"In this way, the last shall be first and the first shall be last..." Matthew 20:16

Doing the right thing and serving God in this world is tough. I like to think that God places me in certain places & situations for a reason. I'm not sure what the reason is at the time that I am in them, but there is a reason for my suffering.

Take work, for instance. Talk about suffering in a secular world. Surprisingly, it's not the materialism that I'm struggling with, but it's more of a pride issue. I keep on wondering why it is that the people who declare that they work so hard, and yet don't do anything, are the first ones to get credited and recoginized for work they didn't do. They are the first people to advance ahead in the work place even though they aren't as competent as they appear.

It's like people boarding a plane. The people who sit in the rear have to suffer being all the way in the back and are on the plane the longest. The people who are sitting toward the front of the plane (in coach) get to get off first. The front of the plane doesn't deplane last, nor does the back of the plane get to deplane first.

There's a parable about the laborers in the field. There's a group of guys who worked all day long and got the same amount as the guys who worked for only an hour.

My first reaction is "What the * ?!? How is that fair?" But, my reaction really should be one of humility. I should be assured that I am doing my job to the best of my ability and have the right attitude rather than be jealous or prideful of others who are receiving credit. Eventually, we will receive the proper credit for our works and that service, whether it be in the secular world or for the Lord, should be our primary objective. My reward for my loyalty and dedication to my work may not be receiving the recognition that I deserve. What God's will is for me and my work will always be right, just, and fair. I need to keep on being completely obedient. He cares for the humble..." (Psalms 138:6 NLT). From the world's viewpoint, subjecting myself to authority means that I WILL suffer, but I need to remind myself that the truth of God is that when I submit myself to His authority in my life, I will be blessed .

Proverbs 29:23 says, "A man's pride will bring him low, but he who is of a humble spirit will obtain honor."

**Sigh**The struggle continues...

The Stink Eye

I'm really good at giving the stink eye. Sometimes, I'm giving the stink eye and I don't even know it. I can't help it...it comes automatically when I'm annoyed. I like to pull out my eye daggers if I sense that someone is completely incompetent, too. This look can speak volumes without saying a word.

Believe it or not, I have gotten the stink once or twice in my life. Ok...many times. If I dish it out, I need to learn how to take it too, right? The meanest stink eye I've ever gotten was in Cincinnati at the symphony. We were at a special reception after the concert and this older Caucasian woman gave me the coldest, meanest stink eye ever. She made chills go up and down my spine.

So, what's worthy of the nasty glare we call the stink eye? Here's my list:

Stink Eye #1) If you make me repeat myself for a third time, you're gonna get the stink eye.

Stink Eye #2) If you give me the stink eye and I catch you, I'm gonna give you the stink eye, too.

Stink Eye #3) You're in line at Starbucks talking on your cell phone AND trying to order coffee AND trying to take out your money AND trying to type on your BlackBerry. You're definitely getting the stink eye.

Stink Eye #4) You make like you're totally swamped at work, but you really don't do anything but simply take up space and my tax paying dollars. Believe me...I'm giving you the stink eye.

Stink Eye #5) You cut me off while I'm driving. Not only am I giving you the Stink Eye, but I'm also giving you the finger.

Stink Eye #6) You talk or your cell phone goes off in the movies. I'm giving you a slight head turn stink eye, because I'm afraid of getting kicked in the back of my chair if I give you the full head turn.

Stink Eye #7) You cut in line and board the plane when you know your seating row hasn't been called yet. (Most of these people tend to be men...or foreigners).

Stink Eye #8) You send me ridiculous amounts of forwarded emails. Yes...I can still give the stink eye through the computer.

Stink Eye #9) You make me wait simply because you like to be fashionably late. Not only will you get a glare, but you'll also need to put up with my attitude. I hate people who are late.

Stink Eye #10) If you continually interrupt me while I am speaking, you're gonna get the stink eye.